Message back and ask her for clarification, repeating that "Song of Farewell" cannot be changed but that she can choose other hymns.

And welcome to the MusicaSacra forums!!

I have had people ask me for more "upbeat" hymns. By that, they usually mean "contemporary." Like, praise band. (To which my answer is, no.)

But even then -- and my parish uses Gather III so I have it in front of me as I write this from my office -- the vast majority of "contemporary" funeral stuff isn't "upbeat," either. So I suspect she doesn't know what she wants, either.

People who ask for only happy-sounding songs are often in sadness but also in a bit of emotional denial, asking for music that really doesn't acknowledge the feelings they are experiencing. Funeral music needs to allow room for sadness and express the confidence given by our faith.

Moreover, many people are influenced by non-Catholic ideas about funerals, and think of "celebration of life" and such. They forget what a Catholic funeral is about: mainly to pray for the deceased loved one, that she, a beloved but imperfect human being, will pass swiftly through purgatory to enter the joy of life with Jesus.

A lot of people who are called upon to prepare funerals are family members who don't know lots of hymns or their tunes. Some of them may not be practicing Catholics. Even in the best of times, they are probably not able to choose hymns very well, and the parish should not expect them to do so.

The choice of music that you make is part of the parish's care for the family and for the deceased, so it's good you take the lead. You can be open to specific suggestions, and take them if they are really good, but you're not there to search for new songs or offer a consumer-oriented music selection. So the process should start with the parish's recommendations for entrance, offertory, communion, and recessional, with two or three good options for each. You can leave out the non-discretionary items.

So (unlike my colleagues above) I say: don't ask her what she means by "upbeat": that's just inviting more confused talk into the process. Instead, steer the process toward good choices, say no if you have to, and get the pastor's OK.

The list you offer contains some fine choices. After all, what could be more upbeat than "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" sung to the tune "Duke Street"? (PDF here.)

On the other hand, "The Strife is O'er" is not a good choice for funerals. With its reference to "strife" and "battle", which really refer to the passion of Christ, it sounds as though we were singing about the suffering of the deceased loved one, which is not a happy topic. So even in Easter season, it's insensitive to use this. Also, the tune is boring, let's face it.

On the other other hand, "Holy God, We Praise Thy Name", a rhyming adaptation of the "Te Deum laudamus", is too cheery. It's 100% jubilation, so to sing this song of rejoicing at a funeral is like putting a happy-face sticker on the casket.

But other songs on the list are fine: "The King of Love My Shepherd Is", "Jerusalem, My Happy Home", etc.

The "In paradisum" which mmeladirectress suggested isn't upbeat, but it's beautiful and moving; I'll attach an English version, suitable to replace the "Song of Farewell" or follow the recessional.

Thank you very much to everyone for your help. The lady has now asked me for either Ave Maria or Amazing Grace (apparently, they were favorites of the deceased). I'll do Ave Maria for the offertory (I won't have a soloist, so it'll have to be instrumental). I am limited to the OCP Music Issue and Today's Missal for everything that will be sung (Communion will also be instrumental, Ave Verum), and while it does have In Paradisum and I really wish I could use it (in Latin), the situation is such that I don't think that will happen. All I need to know now is what she wants (from the list) for the Entrance and Closing.

That's probably a good plan. If they don't have specific requests, then plan to select the music yourself.

CharlesW, do the pre-deceased when submitting their pre-death funeral plan also prepay the musicians and others? Seems to me there could be some conflict if the musicians want to follow the plan presubmitted by the deceased but the family are the ones cutting the check and they have different ideas.

Perhaps too late to help the OP but my favourite upbeat funeral hymn is Thine be the Glory, with its closing lines 'Endless is the victory Thou o'er death hast won'.

We really do need better catechesis on the true purpose of a Catholic funeral. Alas, we are fighting against the popular culture and the funeral industry. I see ads all the time for funeral homes promoting their "reception venues" and showing people mingling and drinking glasses of wine while reminiscing about the deceased. Ugh.

In regards to an actual music suggestion, All Creatures of Our God and King has a verse that is appropriate:

And thou most kind and gentle death,
Waiting to hush our latest breath,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou leadest home the child of God,
And Christ our Lord the way hath trod.

I got to the organ this morning to start warming up before Mass, and when I looked at the "program", I saw that the hymns listed were the ones that had been in the last email I had received from the lady after I had already sent a different list to the office. I asked the secretary, and she said that the listed hymns were the ones she had received from the deceased's sister after she had gotten my list. No one had told me about that, and as I had only brought the music I was expecting to play, there wasn't anything I could do and I figured hardly anyone would sing anyway. I was right. I think most of the congregation was Protestant and the little singing I heard was probably done by the smattering of parishioners who attended.
All in all, it went well and I think (and hope) the family appreciated it. Ad majorem Dei gloriam!

If the dead person was filled with faith you could do...
"We stand for God"
It's upbeat whilst not denying that for God we both live and die.

The USCCB website has the following page
http://www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/bereavement-and-funerals/index.cfm

Scroll down for numerous links, including a link to a webpage about music.

At a recent funeral, we did "Where is death's sting? We were not born to die" from The Hymnal 1940 (to Gibbons' SONG 1). Sounds like it might be what you're looking for.