Chant Humor Requested
  • mjballoumjballou
    Posts: 994
    I know it's Lent and a time of reflection.
    That said, I'm looking for chant-related humor. Short, non-humiliating anecdotes or puns would be welcomed. Every now and then, you just need something silly at rehearsal.
    Please share.
  • vigilate
    Posts: 12
    Two monks walk into a bar.

    No, that's not it.

    Um. How does it go?

    There was the abbot who would chant his greeting, "Good morning?" (do do la)

    And the choir would respond, "Good morning!" (do do la)

    But some novice was not too sharp and sang "good evening" instead.

    The abbot stopped. And sang back, "Someone chanted evening!" (to the tune of "Some enchanted evening" ... or "do ti re do do fa")

    You had to be there, as they say.
  • JDE
    Posts: 588
    Sunday morning at the cathedral.

    The rector stands up and greets the people (starting on fa): "I am the rector of this cathedral, and I make two hundred dollars a week [mi re fa], and it isn't e-nouuu-ugh." [fa-re]

    The bishop stands up and intones, "I am the Bishop of this Diocese, and I make four hundred dollars a week, and it isn't enouuu-uuuugh."

    The Music Director stands up and responds, "I am the music director of this church, and I make eight hundred dollars a week . . . and

    there's NO business like SHOW business . . . " [sol DO do do do SOL do do do . . . ]

    If it makes you feel any better, it was actually told by an Anglican.
  • JDE
    Posts: 588
    [ducking to avoid flung tomatoes]
  • Hugh
    Posts: 198
    Y,

    it's funny because it isn't true.
  • janetgorbitzjanetgorbitz
    Posts: 968
    OK, so I tried the "some enchanted evening" joke on my schola tonight... perhaps it was my delivery that caused them all to stare at me like a deer caught in headlights...
  • JulesVanNuffel
    Posts: 126
    This was told by a priest I once knew (and actually happened):

    The priest was trying to teach Gregorian chant to ordinary folks who found it very difficult to learn. They especially had trouble with melismas. There was one syllable that five notes over it. There was another syllable that had 7 notes over it.

    One parishioner said, "Father, why are all these notes over this one syllable? It just makes it difficult to sing."

    Father said, "Well, perhaps that monk is in purgatory right now for writing all those notes over that syllable."

    Everyone seemed contented by this, and things went on fine.

    However, then a different parishioner saw a syllable that had about 50-60 notes over it.

    The man turned to the priest and asked, "Where do you figure the fellow is who wrote THAT?"
  • Joseph Mansfield
    Posts: 113
    There was this parish (preVatII) where the ushers failed to show up one Sunday morning. The pastor grabs a man named Dominic and says, I need you to take up the collection. Can you do that? Man says, Sure, just tell me when to do it. So the mass begins and as soon as the pastor finishes the collect he sees Dominic taking the collection. Dominic goes on to take more collections all through the mass, to the pastor's increasing bafflement. After the mass, the pastor asks Dominic what he thought he was doing. Dominic replies, I did exactly as you said. I took the collection every time you said, Dominic, go frisk 'em.
    -------------------
    A man working at a lumber yard begins stealing a piece or two of wood every day, taking it home and putting it in his shop. After several months his conscience catches up with him and he confesses his offense. The priest says, Well, for your penance I want you to make a novena. Do you know how to make a novena? Man says, No, Father, but if you've got the plans, I've got the wood.
    -------------------
    A Benedictine and a Dominican are arguing over which of their orders is the greatest order in the world. They decide to pray about it, going into the chapel, kneeing at the rail, and asking God to tell them which order, Benedictine or Dominican, is the greatest. As they stand up and turn around they see a piece of paper floating down from the rafters. They rush over and catch it, and read:

    Neither.
    God, S.J.
  • francis
    Posts: 10,806
    I know you all probably know this one, but:

    What is the Popes telephone number?

    Et cum Spi-ri-2-2-0. (sol la la sol sol la la)
  • Joseph Mansfield
    Posts: 113
    Ah, er, (cough) this was supposed to be chant related humor. I knew that yesterday but I forgot it today (senility) and posted three non-chant related items. With apologies, I withdraw them all. And if you laughed at them, shame on you.
  • mjballoumjballou
    Posts: 994
    Dear Joseph,

    Don't apologize. And I snickered at each of them.
  • alrtree
    Posts: 26
    Joseph,
    I, too, chuckled at your jokes. They were my favorites.
  • Joseph Mansfield
    Posts: 113
    Ach! I feel a little better now.
  • rogue63
    Posts: 410
    Well, this is not strictly chant-related, but it IS funny.

    All Your Mass Are Belong To Us

    Enjoy!
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