Parish members are encouraged to fill out a form expressing their funeral preferences. It is on file in the office. When the member departs we retrieve the form. Others are told that hymns can chosen from the hymnal, only, and that the mass parts are pre-selected.

So exactly why should the loved ones of the deceased be involved with the planning? Is that a tradition of the Church? It just seems too odd to have people who have usually little if any knowledge of choosing Sacred Music to somehow make those selections in an emotionally distraught time?

It just seems too odd to have people who have usually little if any knowledge of choosing Sacred Music to somehow make those selections in an emotionally distraught time?

And what is more odd? That bereaved deciders are entrusted to many "pastoral musicians" whose competency of "choosing Sacred music" is not much more refined than their own?
As a post-retirement musician still providing music for funeral liturgies, I've noticed the trend towards "No preference" option from bereaved is expanding, thus making my job easier by not having to constantly capitulate towards "Amazing.....How great....Here I is, Lord...Ave Maria (Franz's) and OEW."
OTOH, we who are responsible for performing texts and tunes for this particular event in folks' lives ought not to mandate or otherwise insist on any intransient policies. If for no other reason than Option Fours are licit and SOP in the Novus Ordo should we take our advisory roles very seriously, and avoid any personal biases we hold ourselves.

This bypasses many problems. When a member dies, we get out the form and implement his preferences. If anyone questions anything, we show them the form.

It happens, but I gave up arguing with the family over the remains of their loved ones. Hardly anyone attends funerals any more, so the crowd is small with many not having darkened a Catholic parish door in years. I go with the flow, get it over with, and go home.

Every now and then something outrageous is requested and the pastor backs me up in turning it down. Restricting hymn choices to the hymnal helps, although there are some wretched hymns in that hymnal (RitualSong). It could be worse.

Oh, I know. I detest "Eagle's Wings," and can't fathom why that song is so popular. I don't do it on Sundays, only for funerals. The pastor agrees it is difficult for the congregation to sing.

The families only get to choose an entrance, communion, and recessional hymn, but only from the hymnal. The Ordinary is pre-selected and never changed. The psalm is either 23rd or 27th. The pastor sings "In Paradisum" as a solo. So the families have a few choices, but don't get to choose everything. This does limit the "damage" they can do.

I get in touch with the family by email and send them this link with some instructions:
https://rebrand.ly/stpfuneral

In order to see the whole thing, just fill in dummy answers because some fields are required in order to go to the next page. As long as you don't hit submit at the end, it won't go through to me.

I also have a hard copy version of this, if a family prefers to meet in person. But given the short turnaround and the whirlwind of activity in funeral preparations, most people are grateful for the convenience of the online form.

As melo notes, more and more people are deferring music to the parish -- especially since I started setting "standard" hymns rather than fill-in-the-blank.

What is not shown on the form is that every funeral has a sung introit as the priest walks from the sacristy to the entrance of the church, and every funeral ends with In paradisum-Chorus angelorum-Ego sum resurrectio.

Though not permitted at other parish liturgies (to include weddings), songs such as OEW, BNA, etc are permitted for now at funerals. They are somewhat infrequently requested, since they do not appear on my list of suggestions.

This process makes it very straightforward most of the time, and people are often relieved to find that one of the things they most worry about -- details of the funeral liturgy -- can be addressed in just a few minutes. I agree with those who believe that these decisions should not be made the responsibility of a grieving family, but this is where we are for the time being. Also, I believe it is the introduction to the funeral rites themselves which says the family ought to be involved in those decisions.

Not at all. Anyone who would like it can email me (jlaird@sttimothyparish.org) from a Gmail-based email address, and I'll share you a copy of the Google form.

Excuse me for being a gadfly, but isn't there something intrinsically unliturgical about modular liturgy, where the survivors of the deceased get to choose mix-and-match liturgical parts?

When my son and his fiancée marry next year, in the EF, the Propers of the day take precedence over the nuptial Mass, and that's the end of it. They're choosing a polyphonic ordinary (but the Ordinary is still the ordinary.

"My preference: I would meet with the family. There would be a list that only I would see, and I would suggest songs based on the readings that are cross-referenced to correspond with the Biblical verses and the Propers. The family is too upset to see an entire list, and usually they are having serious communication issues since most families are never truly getting along completely anyway. The hymn for final commendation would not be an option, and Communion would have to be a Communion hymn. Oh, and they would NOT get to choose the music setting of the Responsorial Psalm or the Gospel Acclamation - they would only get to choose which Psalm and which verse!"

I've been on the other side of this twice with my parents in recent years, in parishes where the "bereavement committee" has its lists that list (pun intended) highly contemporary, and I've overriden them with more traditional options in the parish hymnal.

I have found that Spanish language funeral congregations often take up the popular songs and Ordinaries without benefit of hymnals and prompting. It's quite something when it happens.

Much depends on whether congregations at funerals are mostly drawn from the local parish (may be more likely to be the case with funerals for younger folks) or gathered from divers places. Timing of the funeral also makes a difference: weekday morning funerals tend to be more difficult for people who are not intimates of the deceased's family to be able to get off from work. Saturday morning funerals draw more (but you can't have a Saturday morning funeral for someone who will be buried at a national military cemetery unless burial does not immediately follow the funeral...)