I need prayers. I’m really not getting along with God right now
  • My son’s best friend lost his mother to a drug overdose on Tuesday. Calling hours are today and the funeral is tomorrow. We have been involved and supportive of this family for several years now. I was not under the impression that the mom had ever relapsed in the time I had known her, she hid her demons too well. But she was open about her struggles. She leaves four children ranging from ages 20 to 18 months. And if that wasn’t enough my son, who is already stressed and wondering in his eleven year old mind how to help his best friend and fearing he will lose his best friend didn’t have enough to deal with, was physically assaulted by a 14 year old GIRL on the school bus yesterday. We filed a police report at the insistence of the bus driver and the aide. The student has been recommended for expulsion, but we are filing formal assault charges at the suggestion of the student dean. This student has been a problem before and needs serious intervention.
    What is wrong with our world today? Drugs. Violence. I see it even in my elementary students. People tell me the only thing I can do to make the world better is just keep being the “good” parent and “good” person and “good” teacher I already am. That isn’t good enough to me. I’m using my time and talents as God commands us to, but I can’t stop this. All I see is a broken world and it’s rare that I find myself questioning God. But I’m there. Why should people continue to die like this? Why are our children so angry and hurting? What good will it do that 14 year old girl to go to jail? She’s already going to be expelled from the school. But I’m told she needs to “learn her lesson”. I bet she’s been “learning her lesson” at home and now she is angry and violent. Getting sent to juvenile will only make her worse.

    I’m fed up with all of it. All.Of.It.

  • CharlesW
    Posts: 9,516
    It seems like there is no way to win, at times. I taught for years in both public and Catholic schools. Folks are delusional if they think they can escape all the bad by sending their kids to Catholic schools.

    I suspect I have never really gotten along with God and even joke that he hates me when things really screw up. Of course, that's overly dramatic and God doesn't hate me, or anyone else. But what could he really do against the free and evil will of someone intent on doing harm?

    I know it's a platitude to say to pray. I have had some success I didn't expect by laying out the problem before God - he knows it anyway, but I still tell him about it. Then saying, "OK, Lord. Here is the problem. What would you do if you were in my place?" I have gotten some unexpected and good answers.

    Wishing you all the best and prayers for you. I know this is difficult.
  • bhcordovabhcordova
    Posts: 639
    It really is a bad situation. All you can really do is be an example and to show your love. My sister is an elementary school teacher. A couple of years ago, she moved from a rural school district where she had been for almost 30 years. The kids knew and respected her there. The school she moved to is one of the worst schools in the county academically. She almost quit her first year there, but she had a breakthrough with the kids there (who mostly live in poverty, have only one parent who may or may not be in jail, have behavioral problems, etc.) and the kids love her and respect her. Hopefully if you 'just keep plugging' and showing the kids how much you care, you will make a difference for one or two of the.

    We have to play the cards we are dealt. God never gives us more than we can handle. I know this just sounds like more platitudes, but it is true. I wish there were some better advice I could give you, but all I can do is pray for you, your family, and the others involved.

    I will say though, it sounds like the girl is more in need of professional counseling than being punished in jail.
    Thanked by 2FidemInFidebus Carol
  • I am still waiting to talk to the juvenile officer. I agree she needs help and not just punishment. At the same time her behavior was allowed to escalate and go unchecked until the point she did something illegal. This is why it was recommended that the authorities get involved. They may be able to get her counseling and other help. The bus driver told me she has dealt with the family in the past, and that the home life is very chaotic. Even the responding police officer said he “recognized the name”, which suggested he has been called to the home for other reasons.

    The discipline strategy du jour is now “restorative”. We use this system where I teach. The kids have to fill out a form and explain what they did, how their action made them feel, how it made others feel, and what they will do differently next time. This works until about second grade if you’re lucky. Many of my students just flat out refuse to do the form and would rather get sent to the office. A similar strategy is used where my kids go to school. I like some parts of it but I also think it is too permissive. For example, where I teach the kid has to get three forms before a note is sent to the parent. Why not contact on the first form? I don’t know. My husband has worked in school administration for a decade now and is in the middle of his ed admin masters program. They discussed the history and theory behind restorative discipline in one of his current classes and it’s not very good-a lot of racial stuff involved-which is why it has become popular in urban schools.

    Now to prepare for the calling hours...

    The boy’s grandmother had temporary custody when my son first met him. The grandmother ultimately lost custody to their father because a case worker saw her physically abusing the children and also a dog. She continued to fight to win the children back, and I almost had to testify in the custody hearing against her as a witness. A small part of me is expecting her to be angry or possibly combative if she sees us there tonight. I am extremely concerned that the grandmother will get permanent custody now that their mother is dead and the father is barely able to financially support them. The father may also have been complicit in providing the drugs and supporting their mother’s addiction instead of helping her stay clean. I REALLY hope for his sake that this isn’t the case, but my gut is telling me otherwise. If grandma gets those kids back,
    that little boy may lose my son-his best friend-forever.
  • bhcordovabhcordova
    Posts: 639
    The father will get custody. If for some reason family protective services decided to take the child away from the father, he will probably go to a foster home (since the grandmother lost custody because of abuse) unless there is an aunt or uncle or other close relative willing to take the child in.
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 3,962
    Fervent prayers for you and yours in such a difficult time and situation.

    Also, please accept this little musical prayer (Quinn's Prayer of St Francis paraphrase), set to my own setting of Old Hundredth.
  • The father already has custody. Things went well, I talked to Grandma. It is believed Mom took fentanyl. The police are already investigating and analyzing her cell phone records-standard procedure now for fentanyl overdose deaths. Several dealers have already gone to prison, some with life sentences.
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 7,967
    I don't think God is too happy with earth either
  • @francis: Agreed.
  • I have genuine empathy with Fidemin's angst.
    The problems that beset our youth and the sick culture which exacerbates a naturally confusing time of life for our youth require the greatest of love, vision, intelligence, and careful moral formation, faith, and adult maturity.
    I think, though, that it is not appropriate to speculate on God's pleasure or displeasure with this earth, nor to blame our own problems, frustrations, and inadequacies on him.
    We all know where sin and depravity come from, that their origin is from an evil one who never takes a holiday.
    They are not of God, who is Love.
    God loves this earth and has gone to great lengths to redeem it.
    It skirts blasphemy to suggest that his love is ever in abeyance.
    These are the times in which we should flee to him with confidence and avail ourselves of his grace that we may set things right - not suggest that he is not 'too happy with earth' and other such destructive thought which is not helpful.

    It behooves us when confronted with these challenges to act like 'sons, and if sons, then heirs' of God, and act creatively and restoratively, not getting ourselves into a depressive and angry condition.

  • The best thing to do in any situation is to keep giving God thanks. If you thank him even for your struggles, the devil will go away seeing that you haven't lost faith and still love God. I'll be praying for you.
  • Boethius' Consolation of Philosophy has good advice and encouragement for finding happiness in dire straights. Of course, so do the Psalms and Proverbs.
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 7,967

    On this feast of the Most Holy Rosary, I commend you to Our Most Blessed Mother. In these evil days we must stand to fight by falling to our knees and storming heaven with the most powerful prayer of the Most Holy Rosary. This will be your greatest weapon against the evil that surrounds us and the central means of consolation for you. Take it up and pray this most powerful prayer.

    As a primer, read and listen to the article and podcast at this link. Today let us all pray the rosary for our confraternity of the CMAA, our own parishes and towns, our nation and the nations on earth and ask heaven for true peace which will only be granted us through the Triumph of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.


    Thanked by 1FidemInFidebus
  • Thanks everyone. We just got home about an hour ago from the funeral Mass. I also agree that we cannot allow anger and depression to take us over. For a time we move through them as part of the grieving process, but we must move past them. My son’s friend has yet to shed a single tear for his mother. He has been angry with her for most of his young life.
    I do have much to be thankful for-most especially in these past few days for my sister. She was one of the lucky ones. She might be in prison but she’s alive and doing well in her own situation, taking every class and activity the facility offers.
    @francis thank you, I will have a listen as soon as I can.

    I feel called to get involved somehow. I already was involved, as many people were, with this young woman and her struggle. I’m dealing with a lot of second guessing and Monday morning quarterbacking, looking back on all the times something didn’t seem right but I looked the other way, or didn’t pursue my gut feelings because I wanted to believe she was still clean. I need to be better educated on how to identify when someone is about to relapse.
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
  • ghmus7
    Posts: 1,002
    Praying several Ave's for you now.
  • Ken of Sarum
    Posts: 298
    Pray continually, my prayers will include you and these situations. Love is the answer to almost everything in this world. The absence of solid biblical moral teachings, absence of the Ten Commandments, Beatitudes and other principles from GOD, I believe have led to the world's problems and the breakdown of the family. The bible warns us that things will only get worse. There are more children of the darkness than of the light.

    Christians have forgotten that the temporary landlord of this world is Lucifer. He is why so much bad, evil, heartbreak, sorrow, etc., happens; not GOD. Constant prayer, forgiveness, loving kindness, being true Christian examples to children as well as adults - all these are so critically important. Lucifer and his fallen demons strive to prevent our prayers from getting through to GOD.

    Pray without ceasing!
  • CatherineS
    Posts: 103
    You are in my prayers.
  • PolskaPiano
    Posts: 76
    This little book is wonderful.


    My sincerest condolances. Short story: total surrender to God. I am so sorry for your son's friend and your family. I hope you can remain a constant presence for this young man in his life. You may be wondering where God is, but perhaps he is right there, in you, to this little boy.