Weddings
  • PaxTecum
    Posts: 314
    Is anybody totally over doing weddings?

    I am starting to get a little angry with some of these brides that won't leave me alone.
  • stulte
    Posts: 355
    What do you mean?
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,981
    I know exactly what you mean. Some of those brides are spoiled, pampered, and think we are all there to fulfill their every whim. I occasionally do weddings for friends and children of choir members who, btw, get an extremely large discount. All others, I contract out to 3 organists in town who like playing for weddings. They are free to charge what the market will bear, and the brides have to use them. The church doesn't allow outside organists except those few who are approved by me. Saves wear and tear on the instrument, as well, since these folks are professionals who take good care of the organ.
    Thanked by 1PaxTecum
  • KARU27
    Posts: 184
    Oh, you mean the brides who want things done like on the latest youtube video that they watched? The brides who heard of something on some wedding website, and want to discuss it with you, or email long paragraphs about it, and expect long emails back?
    Yes, I'm totally over those brides. I haven't played a wedding in about two years.
    Thanked by 1PaxTecum
  • PaxTecum
    Posts: 314
    I will say they are not all like this but lately it is more and more of a(n unfortunate) trend. I try to make things easy, give them a sheet with suggestions and some youtube videos (of my choosing) to look at, with instruction to email me back and let me know what they want.

    I also throw in "Don't feel pressured, if you're not sure I am happy to work out a plan for you"

    They make a big to-do about something that really isn't. I couldn't make it any easier for them, actually.
    Thanked by 1rich_enough
  • francis
    Posts: 10,827
    weddings... done with that.
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,415
    I've had to do a very few songs that caused me grief in years past, but, on the whole, I've not had any weddings that were terribly unpleasant. I never played Wagner or Mendelssohn or their like. Have met and was pleased to work with numerous gifted women and men singers who sang some good music. More often than not, the bridal couple came with few if any preconceived ideas and wanted to know what was fitting for a ceremony which many thanked me for - even decades later they remained excited that I was the organist for their wedding.

    Very few caused me difficulties. I couldn't escape Mallotte's 'Lord's Prayer' maybe two times in fifty years. Only once did a bride's mother (who came to the consultation with her daughter) get testy with me, which profited her nothing. I remember it amusingly because it was the only time and I won.

    I do realise that many organists can't escape a less pleasant wedding history than I have had. It really helps when the church requires that its organist play and that his standards be hied to. I know that I have been fortunate in this regard.
    Thanked by 2rich_enough PaxTecum
  • Kathy
    Posts: 5,510
    Had to track this down in the archives.

    Evil genius.

    https://web.archive.org/web/20120223223524/http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7330137/wedding-consultation
    Thanked by 2Casavant Organist PaxTecum
  • francis
    Posts: 10,827
    Kathy... pain... pain.. pain... you have brought back all the memories of pain.
  • Kathy
    Posts: 5,510
    I know, good, right?
  • Caleferink
    Posts: 434
    In my experience it's often not the brides that are the problem, but the bride's parents (usually her mother). This is why whenever I do a wedding consultation I insist that (a) whenever possible, both the bride and the groom be present and make these decisions together and (b) nobody else! This is the couple's wedding, not their parents'. I'm getting married December 30, and my fiancé and I have made this abundantly clear to our parents. My parents totally respect and honor that; I'm not sure her mother does (her father is deceased, God rest his soul).

    I have a colleague/friend who is going to be the organist for our wedding, and he mentioned when he does wedding consultations he does it "optometrist fashion": "Do you like number 1 or number 2? Number 1 or number 2?"
    Thanked by 2M. Jackson Osborn PaxTecum
  • JonLaird
    Posts: 245
    I have grown to love both weddings and funerals, having dreaded them in the past. Perhaps it is the changing (improving, I hope) liturgical culture of the parish, perhaps it is the gentle but firm guidance of our priests . . . whatever it is, in recent years I rarely get very problematic requests. When they do come, the couple comes round when met with patience, frankness, and charity. Even if they did not, there is no reason to be disturbed about it. in the past I have simply said, "I encourage you to bring it up with Fr. X the next time you meet with him. I am happy to do whatever he thinks is appropriate." If you trust your priests, this is very effective.

    Also, it is good to keep in mind the enormous stress many brides feel, and it is not entirely their fault. Many do not have the benefit of our catechetical and spiritual formation, but have received their understanding of weddings from popular culture and are (hopefully) getting a crash course in sacramental catechesis from the priest/deacon who is preparing them. When they come to understand that the wedding day is only the first day of their sacramental marriage (and, we pray, not nearly the happiest, though happy and glorious it shall be), they can begin to put it in the proper perspective. So I think a little patience on our part can go a long way.
    Thanked by 4Andrew_Malton Kathy M. Jackson Osborn PaxTecum
  • Kathy
    Posts: 5,510
    Jon, I'd say the priests are key here.
    Thanked by 2JonLaird PaxTecum
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,981
    Life is too short to deal with weddings, especially since other organists want or need the money from them. Typically, the programs read,

    "Edna Widehips is joining today with Rodney Bedwetter in holy matrimony at St. Gruner and St. John Edward the Diviner Catholic Church, Deli, Spa and Retreat Center."

    Of course, we musicians NEVER get invited to the annulment party a few months down the road. ;-)
  • melofluentmelofluent
    Posts: 4,160
    I've retired. Yes, retired.

    Got a text from a momzilla offering 1K to reconsider for her kid's nuptials.

    I'm on Medicare and SS.

    Whaddya think?

    St. Gruner

    Priceless.
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,981
    If you know this 'zilla' and want to do it, fine. If you can use the money, by all means, do it. Even the devil's money can be good to spend. :-)
    Thanked by 1mmeladirectress
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