How to politely say "I'd rather swallow razor blades than play this piece ever again"
  • FidemInFidebusFidemInFidebus
    Posts: 611
    So I have to play this piece on Sunday. It's a grotesque arrangement/compilation of traditional "Thanksgiving" hymns that is built around Nun Danket, only that part of the piece sounds like a version Billy Joel or Little Richard came up with...the worst part of it is a Rachmaninoffesque clip of Come ye Thankful People in a zillion flats, ridiculous chords and left hand octaves and I think I'm going to be ill....

    It's way too late now, but I wish I would have been more honest with the director about just how much I dislike this piece, for every conceivable reason. I never want to play it again. And I'm gonna tell her, somehow... Blech.
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 5,151
    What you need to tell her is, "I'd rather swallow razor blades than play this piece ever again."
    Thanked by 1bkenney27
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,368
    I think that it would be an utter certainty that if you swallowed razor blades you would never play that piece ever again.





    (Please don't!)

    Thanked by 5CHGiffen canadash JulieColl Ben moderntrad
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    You could say that it's beyond your abilities, and make a huge mess of it on Sunday.....

    Or, you could say that you've decided you don't like the piece, after all, and would like to suggest (fill in the blank here).
  • FidemInFidebusFidemInFidebus
    Posts: 611
    Ha, I've logged countless hours on it because I'd rather die than make a mess of it and ruin the choir's efforts. What a waste lol! It's just too much key banging and my hands are not good for that right now. After service I have to travel to Pittsburgh for a concert with the baroque orchestra and I'm mostly mad that I have to spend so much physical energy on a garbage anthem at the expense of something I actually care about.
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,368
    Yes, yes! Make a huge mess of it on Sunday...

    Something similar happened to me once -
    My sole encounter with OEWs was at a funeral for an Episcopal priest. In attendance were quite a large number of Episcopal clergy and what would be clergywomen.
    I had seen the music (for the first time ever) only a day in advance and immediately saw that it was absolute rubish. I went over it once and could not bear to actually 'work on it'. So the funeral came and the time to sing it came and I started playing it. I became so ill and wretched feeling (as in 'nauseous') that my hands just stopped playing - but the assembled clerks (and what-would-be clerks) continued singing with gusto. Afterwards, whilst in the parish hall, one of the priestesses was overheard to say 'whose brilliant idea was it to sing eagle's wings a cappella'. That was fifteen years ago, and I've not seen nor heard that piece since, for the which I am thankful.
    Thanked by 5CHGiffen canadash Jeffrey Quick Vilyanor moderntrad
  • Adam WoodAdam Wood
    Posts: 6,451
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWhpk-8QLFQ
    Thanked by 2janetgorbitz FidemInFidebus
  • Liam
    Posts: 4,946
    Rather, do it perfectly. And, next week, tell her you will not perform the piece again.
    Thanked by 3ClergetKubisz matthewj FidemInFidebus
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,934
    My sole encounter with OEWs was at a funeral for an Episcopal priest. In attendance were quite a large number of Episcopal clergy and what would be clergywomen.


    I played OEW once because I didn't want to argue with grief-stricken relatives over a song - notice that I didn't call it a hymn. The accompaniment in our hymnal is all arpeggios and is barely playable. I decided to have a little fun with it and used tremolos, hotter-than-normal chords and everything else I could think of that went with the general trashiness of the piece. Unfortunately, they liked it. Sometimes making a mess of it can backfire on you.

    The one I get hit with, although rarely, is the Widor Toccata. I don't routinely play it and always need to practice. It also strikes me as more of a piano piece than something for organ. Every time I have played it, 90% of it was to an empty church with the congregation long gone. Not worth it.

    All in a day's work and not worth losing sleep over.
  • ClergetKubiszClergetKubisz
    Posts: 1,912
    Rather, do it perfectly. And, next week, tell her you will not perform the piece again.


    Yes, Liam, this would probably be the best approach. Perform your absolute best at all times, then after the fact, hit the director with the truth of the matter. This is good, because you've already put the good foot forward, now it's her turn to listen.
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,160
    Would it help if you find a superior piece to replace it for future use?
  • francis
    Posts: 10,668
    On batty wings?
  • FidemInFidebusFidemInFidebus
    Posts: 611
    @Chonak, yes most likely. I'll have to do some searching around but finding a new piece for Thanksgiving is on my list. She's open to ideas most of the time.

    @Adam Wood LOL I love Weird Al!!!!

    Too many of you are goading me into trashing it tomorrow morning....it's tempting, believe me. There is one place where that whole train of trash could derail, especially if they launch into it too quickly...at which point I can blame the choir lol...
  • Liam
    Posts: 4,946
    CK

    Well, I wasn't thinking of the telling as hitting her with the truth of the matter. Rather, it would be a simple statement of fact: For your information, I won't be playing that piece ever again.
    Thanked by 1ClergetKubisz
  • Adam WoodAdam Wood
    Posts: 6,451
    Would it help if you find a superior piece to replace it for future use?


    People who want mediocre ketchup are not going to be satisfied by even the best marinara.
  • FidemInFidebusFidemInFidebus
    Posts: 611
    ^^^not always true! Gradual exposure improves the palate. My children are 10, 9, and 7. Many meals went untouched when they were younger but I didn't change the way I cooked. I just kept asking that they try a little bit of everything. Now they love many kinds of foods, my 7 year old even eats sushi and blue cheese. (Not always good for me when I discover a recently purchased block of it torn into and halfway gone!) Half truths work sometimes, too lol. My dad gave us a venison roast last year. I told the kids we were having pot roast (true!) but didn't tell them it wasn't beef until they'd devoured all of it. ;-)
  • Scott_WScott_W
    Posts: 468
    You could say that it's beyond your abilities, and make a huge mess of it on Sunday.....


    Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but never deliberately "throw" a performance. It's dishonest and sleazy.
    Thanked by 8Ben Liam Spriggo M. Jackson Osborn noel jones, aago francis FidemInFidebus moderntrad
  • Liam
    Posts: 4,946
    And God knows.

    It's one thing that you (for good reasons) detest the piece. It's another thing to create a mess (i) in divine worship, and (ii) of a piece that is may be beloved by someone else there. Consequentialism in music ministry is still ... consequentialism.
    Thanked by 1M. Jackson Osborn
  • FidemInFidebusFidemInFidebus
    Posts: 611
    Agreed...my conscience wouldn't allow such a thing.
    Thanked by 3M. Jackson Osborn CHGiffen francis
  • noel jones, aagonoel jones, aago
    Posts: 6,605
    You are paid to play the music they choose. If you refuse or criticize, they are free to find someone else to sit in your chair and collect your paycheck.

    It's your decision and can brand you as being difficult.

    I believe that it is Kathleen Battle who no longer appears at the MET due to her behavior.
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    Scott,

    I think I overstated what I meant. I withdraw the suggestion rather than try to clarify what I intended.

    I remember an occasion when I considered that what I was being asked to do was sinful, and mortally sinful for me to comply ... so I prayed for help, and the organ malfunctioned (a cipher) so that the instrument became unplayable. I took that as an answer to my prayer.

  • noel jones, aagonoel jones, aago
    Posts: 6,605
    I told the kids we were having pot roast (true!) but didn't tell them it wasn't beef until they'd devoured all of it. ;-)

    At least they were not of an impressionable age, when something like this might have emotionally scarred them and make them not trust you the rest of their lives!

    "Yes, child, your grandfather once made us eat Bambi. But he really wasn't a bad man. It's just that you couldn't trust him."
  • FidemInFidebusFidemInFidebus
    Posts: 611
    Haha true. Well, I don't plan on being directly critical or difficult in any case. I spent a few more hours with the piece and I'm sure everything will be beautiful. But I'll still be looking for something different for next year and praying the director likes it. We don't play the same thing every year anyway and the director always appreciates help with finding new pieces. She catalogued the church's music library and it is quite large, there are pieces that go back 30 years or more that we've never done. I'm sure I can find something, and even better if we don't have to spend money on it.
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,368
    People who want mediocre ketchup...

    Adam has hit upon it!
    The only way one might be able to alter the mind (?) of someone in 'authority' at whose command one must play something awful is to suggest something even more awful.
    One could call this 'Adam's Law of Mediocrity'. (Or, 'The Ketchup Syndrome'.)
    Thanked by 2Adam Wood CHGiffen
  • Adam WoodAdam Wood
    Posts: 6,451
    And frankly, sometimes even people with good taste want ketchup.
    The point is that marinara is not a substitute. It's a different thing altogether.

    I cannot take credit here too much.

    There is a book, Make the Bread, Buy the Butter. The author spent a year (or more?) making everything from scratch (or as near as possible), to see what is best home-made and what not.

    One thing that surprised her was Ketchup. She thought for sure that she could improve on Ketchup by making it at home. She discovered that if you improve Ketchup, it isn't Ketchup anymore.
    Thanked by 2M. Jackson Osborn CHGiffen
  • ClergetKubiszClergetKubisz
    Posts: 1,912
    Ah, yes, but some people use Ketchup when the recipe clearly calls for Marinara, and think nobody will know the difference. In all fairness, most probably wouldn't, although if they'd tasted the recipe before, they might be able to tell if there was something different about it, but wouldn't be able to put their finger on it.

    When it comes to the Mass, however, we owe it to God to produce the best product we possibly can. Intentionally doing less than our best, especially when we believe that nobody will care or notice, is not a service to the Lord. People that insist on the selection of overly sentimental music, FOR THE SAKE OF BEING SENTIMENTAL, are doing just that: intentionally ignoring our best, in favor of stirring up emotions.
    Thanked by 2M. Jackson Osborn noel jones, aago
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