Also:

People are pretty much the same everywhere.
It's leadership that makes a difference.

If RC were to boot you for that, I'd be on a plane to DC.

Whew! Good thing I don't live there! :-)

But anyway, this last bit about choir-directors and singers has been a bit of a digression from the Original Poster's question about pastors. Anybody got anything more on that topic?

We're not being critical of any particular member, we're being critical of a philosophy/policy/idea.

As for the original poster's problem - the director needs to talk to the pastor, the pastor should probably talk to the director before 'helping' the choir, the director should probably find another place to rehearse (outdoors, a stairwell, the parish kitchen, etc), and remember to regularly smile and tell folks they're doing a good job (especially when that is true).

Bumping up this thread to give an update. Since September, I have approached my choir in many different ways. I went the entire gamut of being a dictator giving out little compliments and expecting much, to being a softer, more loving servant leader addressing the individual personalities in my choir and being open and loving to any and all suggestions for improvement. It has gotten me nowhere. The choir continues to be difficult, doesn't listen to any direction and the amount of absences on a regular basis continues to be cause for concern. We have not been able to work on any new music (other than Christmas, and even then it wasn't until our last rehearsal when the final decision was made as to what music to do because, again, of absences).

My point is, of course, that sometimes, and with some people, you can't always catch more bees with honey. People are people and the level of commitment and dedication seems to change with different geographical areas. When the director is guided by the pastor and the pastor refuses to see the people for who they are that the trouble begins. I am finally at peace with a lot of my decisions. They haven't been easy, but I'm healthier and happier. If my singers cannot meet the level of commitment that is necessary, then they have to realize that perhaps music ministry is not for them. All the honey in the world will not satisfy some people who refuse to realize the true meaning of commitment.

Musicteacher56, I know exactly how you feel. When I first accepted my current post some twenty years ago, I inherited a group of uncommitted singers who had no discipline or love for the ministry of music. After evaluating them and being unhappy with the results, I finally had to get rid of them all and create a new group of singers. I told the pastor that the praise we offer through music was important enough that I would rather do it alone than to do it half steps. Thankfully, he supported me. Twenty years later, the singers are committed and hungry for more authentically Catholic music. It takes guts to draw a line in the sand, but if your pastor is behind you, you can do it.

Paid singers in an otherwise volunteer choir can be blessing, curse, and both at the same time. Having spent several years as a paid soloist/section leader in a large protestant church and as a choirmaster in a number of protestant and Catholic churches, I have noticed a couple of things.
1. You can learn music very much faster and at a higher level
2. You may lose any singers with solo abilities as their opportunities to solo vanish
with the retention of the pros.
It is difficult to work out what the attitudes of existing choir members will be and it is equally difficult to predict the reactions of the more able singers in an existing choir. I'm not sure what I think about it, but would have to weigh it carefully before instituting a paid quartet or more in my present situation.

Ah, yes... I had a pastor who really astounded me at times. Very intelligent, but not really a people person (probably the most politically correct way I can phrase that!).

He wanted to encourage men, in particular, to join the group - it was a standing part of the bulletin and he would periodically mention it. After several years of 3-4 men (including me) and 12-18 women, we finally started to get some traction and there were several, including 2-3 altar boys who joined the choir. Obviously, they couldn't sing with us when they were scheduled to serve, but they made rehearsals and sang for the Masses they weren't serving.

One day the pastor happened into the loft during rehearsal, and on seeing one of the altar boys (11-12 at the time), made several cutting comments about how boys belong in the sanctuary and essentially equating being in the choir to something effeminate.

Not surprisingly, the young boy quit the choir not long after. The choir (I've left for another position since) still has a very disproportionate ratio, but at least there is a new pastor and I hear they are starting to add some boys / men.

The same priest also tried to do something to me in a similar way by making loud comments in the sacristy before a vespers about how my surplice looked like lingerie because it was lace.

Sometimes, we accomplish what we accomplish despite rather than because of the "assistance" of those who are supposed to support us in our role.

There's got to be a [Tomas Luis de] Victoria's Secret joke in there somewhere. O Magnum Mysterium indeed.