Church with ESP?
  • noel jones, aagonoel jones, aago
    Posts: 6,605
    Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, sage and former financial adviser to the Greek government, Carnac the Magnificent." After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows:

    "I hold in my hand the envelopes. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. They've been kept in a #2 mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnall's porch since noon today. No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your borderline divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers having never before seen the questions."

    "Sis boom bah.'" "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes."
    —Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline


    Why all this? There's a church in SC...

    The successful candidate will have at least a Bachelor’s Degree in Music and 3 years experience in a Parish setting, be an accomplished accompanist and choral conductor with experience in instrumentation and music composition and be knowledgeable in Catholic liturgical practices and styles of church music.


    How do they know that?
    Thanked by 2chonak Brian Michael Page
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,934
    Wishful thinking, and they probably pay loooow wages.
  • Liam
    Posts: 4,942
    "Music Ministry includes the following groups: ... and Audio Engineers."

  • noel jones, aagonoel jones, aago
    Posts: 6,605
    Pastor wanted: The successful candidate will have at least a Bachelor’s Degree in Ministry and 3 years experience in a Parish setting, be an accomplished speaker and teacher with experience in liturgy and homiletics and be knowledgeable in Catholic liturgical practices and styles of worship. Part-time only. 8 to 10 hours a week.

    There should be a farm team system for church musicians and managers to rid us of this plague.
    Thanked by 2SkirpR ryand
  • Blaise
    Posts: 439
    The successful candidate will have at least a Bachelor’s Degree in Music and 3 years experience in a Parish setting, be an accomplished accompanist and choral conductor with experience in instrumentation and music composition and be knowledgeable in Catholic liturgical practices and styles of church music.


    Accompanist on what instrument?? And we all know that "choral" music can be....well....anything.
  • melofluentmelofluent
    Posts: 4,160
    The Suzuki Electronic Autoharp, among others.
    And the ad said "choral conductor." That could mean Tom Hanks leading "Here comes Santa Claus" on the "Polar Express."
    Eminently qualified, I'd say.
  • Musicteacher56
    Posts: 621
    "Accomplished accompanist"? I guess that means my 2nd grade class can come in and clap out rhythms for accompaniment. Or, how about my recorder ensemble from the 4th grade? "Experience in a parish setting"? Does that include being a lector and/or EM? "Choral conductor"? Does that mean 3 people who sing out of tune, or an SATB full choir?
  • Earl_GreyEarl_Grey
    Posts: 890
    The pickings seem pretty slim out there. If anyone has insider information regarding any openings out there--pro or con please PM me. I already ruled out the one bragging about the number of microphones they have ;) While some red flags are obvious, most of the job descriptions are pretty vague when it comes to actual worship practices/preferences.
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