I agree with SacredMusic about the first issue. That is a personnel issue between you and the parish.

About the second, I think that one of the things many priests want in a dm is someone who will keep awkward situations off his plate. The choir member is under your supervision and that sort of making light of the situation is probably the priest's way of saying he would prefer to not be involved.

Thanks for all the great advice. I will be open to more and will meditate on what's been given. I feel really nervous about meeting with the hisp. director and the priest. I already told him, but because she does all hispanic events, 100%, he has nothing to do with it and there's no way to monitor her. It's her word against mine. If she says that people are just choosing other musicians, what can I say? the problem is that she is the responsible person for giving them other musicians' information. Maybe putting my information in the bulletin?'

yes I am informed, and that's why I' know I've been dissed all summer long. And I've discussed this with her various times. . . Ive told her that some people have come to me after mass, asking if the choir does these services, and that she (when she registers them) gives them no information about music. But now she has a "favorite" couple, from another church, and she has been giving out their number instead of mine. I know, because I've heard from church members, that they are doing all the masses, and one time, a "marriage" couple dialed my number looking for this couple. And she's the only one that would be able to make that mistake, as she has my number and theirs. I'm very nice to her all the time, but she has some kind of deep grudge against me, she wasn't like this before . But I've talked about it with her and she just says that my number is in the contract, but like Ive explained to her, "no one reads the contract" she needs to make it very clear of what is available and she shouldn't be sending people off elsewhere. I understand if a quinceanera has an uncle who has a band or something, but it shouldn't be her pushing others on the community so that I miss out completely. 20 quinceaneras this year ,and I didn't do a single one. what a coincidence .

Do you have a link for AGO standard, so I can show them this?? I have a priest from India, only been here six months, totally lost culturally and language wise and everyone is pulling a good one over his eyes. And would this be something you bring up at a staff meeting?? I had a meeting wit him about it and he told me to bring it up at the staff meeting, which I think it means he did nothing to address the problem. And I made it clear to him what you have just said. .. . It's so frustrating and I feel so impotent and so disrespected. Seriously. I know it's all for God, and it is but when you see all this junk going on, it takes a toll on ya.

But now she has a "favorite" couple, from another church, and she has been giving out their number instead of mine. I know, because I've heard from church members, that they are doing all the masses, and one time, a "marriage" couple dialed my number looking for this couple. And she's the only one that would be able to make that mistake, as she has my number and theirs.

If you want to fight it, you have to show your evidence to the pastor, and explain to him how you know that you are being intentionally passed over in favor of the Hispanic Ministry Director's (HMD) personal contacts. The HMD is playing favorites here, and you need to prove it. From your accounts, it also seems like the HMD is intentionally keeping the pastor out of the situation: things are taken care of, and she's hoping that the priest doesn't look into the details. That also being said, the fact that the pastor isn't looking into the details is not all that uncommon: they're busy people and if they're not shown that there is a problem, it's likely they are unaware of it. My experience has been that, especially with musical matters, as long as there's music and people aren't complaining (influential people aren't complaining) about it, he doesn't see the problem. You have to show him how you know you've been intentionally passed over in this case.

You should have right of first refusal. Period. If they want to bring in someone else, they should be required to pay you your usual fee and should also be responsible for paying the other musicians. This is called a "bench fee" and it's AGO standard.

Irishtenor is correct. You should, as the DM, have the right of first refusal, and receive a bench fee if the HMD wants to bring in her favorite couple instead of giving the work and the money to you. It's ultimately up to you if you want to charge a bench fee, but your pastor may not be too happy about it, because it is likely to upset things politically in the parish. You also have to consider how you would enforce the bench fee if the HMD refuses to pay it or inform families about it. You could just show up at the event, and insist on playing anyway, but then you're inciting a conflict, and possible legal action when the family refuses to pay you because they didn't agree that you'd be the musician. The pastor certainly won't like that. Remember, in our musically illiterate culture (at least in the US), people are already loathe to pay for music unless it's a recording of or tickets to see their favorite pop artist.

What's clear as day is that you are the MD in name only, and that that's not likely to change.
If that is unpleasant to you (which it would be to anyone) follow SacredMusic's advice and
cast your eyes elsewhere for a more honest and virtuous arrangement.

This is your best option, I think. Shake the dust from your sandals and move on to greener pastures. If you show your evidence to the pastor, and he does nothing about it, find another position, and then tender your resignation. Make sure you tell him exactly why. Be diplomatic about it, but tell him the truth.

Reading on this forum of priest's and parishes failure to fulfill even the most basic tenets of Catholic Social Teaching by paying a just and living wage and other things is incensing.

Charles at least you made me laugh!
and thanks to you all, it is good to have this support, because it feels very lonely in the music world here where I'm at. Thanks and God bless. I couldn't sleep thinking of ways to present this at our staff meeting. But i'm such a coward and when I get in there, it never comes out that way!

Sorry - but why are you messing around with this parish for minimum wage? Go find a minimum wage job that doesn't require any off-the-clock work (ideally one that has tips as well!), and volunteer for a church doing only what suits you. Or a better job and ditto.

I've been in a particularly difficult situation before. It was similar to the one you describe with the soloist. I thought I didn't have a choice. Then my priest told me that I did, that I had the choice to let the singer go. It was a loss, but I was so.much.happier.

As mentioned above, if you don't have what you need to survive, then find greener pastures. I would not wish to live in the stress of your job. Dealing with these women must be hell. It was always so difficult to go to church and to Mass with such feelings of animosity and anger. What is it with women in these positions? I don't get it. God bless.

I have noticed that for some, the church is where they play out their little power struggles with each other, and woe to he who gets in the way of it.

Consult with him on the policy before you implement it. If he does not agree, then you know your course of action without any further embarrassment.

One of the big problems is that so many of the PIPs think that everyone but the priest is a volunteer, and that the priest only gets a small salary because the parish pays for his housing, his insurance, his groceries, etc.

Re: priest vs. lay Church worker salaries, very interesting article.

I would add the quote about coming properly dressed to the wedding banquet -- as context for your authority to rule on what is appropriate.

I agree with @Kathy , that you should make sure that the priest conveys to this woman that each and every quinceanera, wedding, and funeral will have music provided by the music director (YOU). There may be (at your discretion) other musicians involved, but that you will play and be paid for each and every one. Don't include any loopholes, because they are sure to be exploited.

This was part of the agreement under which you accepted the position in the first place. All the parties involved knew that $500/month wouldn't cut it, so this was included as a way to augment your income. It's part of the deal.

I agree... if part of your compensation is assumed to be these weddings and quinceanera events that are being offered to you, your pastor will have to make it clear to the Hispanic Ministries Director, office secretary, parish wedding planner, or anyone else who does this scheduling that YOU will be scheduled for the music for these events and no others are allowed without your authorization. That way, when something is scheduled, it will be made clear to the families, that it is part of YOUR job to provide music for these events. If you are unable to provide music for a particular event, in that case another outsider could be allowed...