I need advice regarding music and parenting...
  • canadashcanadash
    Posts: 1,499
    I'm sorry that this is not about church music per se, but I have come to enjoy the people who contribute to this forum and perhaps you can help me.

    Is there a blog/website/forum for parents regarding music? I'm needing some sound music advice regarding the music education of my children and I don't know where to turn and would like to go to parents who have children older than mine (pre-teen) and could offer some help. Thank you.
  • Musicteacher56
    Posts: 621
    I am DM of my parish and also teach music in the parish school. Are you children involved in any music programs at school? Do they participate in chorus or band? Have they shown an interest in piano lessons? Do they like to listen to many genres of music or do they have a particular favorite?
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • canadashcanadash
    Posts: 1,499
    This is my problem. My second son changed from the violin to the cello two years ago. His teacher is VERY strict and is a perfectionist. My son is now really not liking his cello. He says his teacher nags him, that nothing is right. So this is problem one. Problem two is that I signed him up for an orchestra without his teacher's knowledge. To say she is frustrated with me is an understatement. His brother and sister will be in the orchestra so I thought it would be great for him to be in it too. The teacher thinks the orchestra is beyond him (which it is but the director of strings says she will simplify the music), that my son will struggle and lose technique and that it is an all around bad idea. I'm getting to the point where I may allow him to quit, it is all too frustrating. But he is talented! Would you force it?

    Once again, apologies for the topic. If anyone can send me to another forum, I'd be grateful.
  • WendiWendi
    Posts: 638
    The first thing I would do is find him another teacher. If his current teacher is killing his enjoyment of the instrument it will be very difficult for him to get that back talent or no talent.

    There is a vast great difference between challenging a child to reach full potential and frustrating a child with unreasonable expectations.

    Its sounds as though his teacher is frustrating rather than challenging him Which may be a personality thing, but really that is irrelevant. Find someone with an approach that he can learn from.

    My two pence.
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • Earl_GreyEarl_Grey
    Posts: 890
    Based on what has been said, I'd concur that it's time to find another teacher. Every teacher doesn't work well with every student. Do the older siblings have a different teacher?
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,368
    All the above are right!
    Finding another qualified teacher very soon is an urgent must.
    If, as you say, he is talented and really does like his instrument, he desperately needs a teacher who is right for him. Even if you have to drive thirty or more miles for a really good teacher-artist it is worth it!

    As for the orchestra, he may or may not be ready for that. It would not be wise to enroll him in something that's over his head. On the other hand, learning to play in ensemble is essential sooner or later. You should have a serious discussion about this with him, his NEW teacher and the conductor of the orchestra. Your son's love of his cello and good music is at stake!
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • canadashcanadash
    Posts: 1,499
    Thank you so much. Really, you are all the best.
  • Musicteacher56
    Posts: 621
    I agree that pushing a child could (and probably would) destroy his employment of the instrument. As a teacher, we strive to challenge, but not to frustrate. Over the years, I've taught many children who have been successful, and others with whom I just did not "gel". A good rapport with an individual teacher is essential to success. Whenever I felt that a child was not responding to me, I've recommended colleagues and in some cases, the children went on to become good little musicians.

    It may take a while, but finding the right match could be your answer. God bless.
    Thanked by 2CharlesW canadash
  • BenBen
    Posts: 3,114
    I'd say that you probably want to find a new teacher. I one time took summer lessons from a trumpet player I know, and he was very demanding and difficult, but always in a loving way, and he told us beforehand about it very frankly and honestly. Also, he told us at the same time that several of his students have made it to major symphony orchestras, so his style does work, as difficult as it is. It was hard, but it really paid off. It also made his positive comments mean so much more, because they were well earned after much practice. There's a fine line between being demanding and challenging a student to be better, and being unreasonable and never offering any encouragement.

    All that to say, that teaching style can work, but only if you have the right personality, and it helps a lot going in to know that'll be the teaching style. It also helps that I knew him from the parish, and he is one of the nicest guys I know.

    But if he's loosing interest in the instrument because of it, it's probably time to move on.

    Just my 2 cents.
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • Scott_WScott_W
    Posts: 468
    Another vote for new teacher post-haste. You need one that understands and demands excellence, but without crushing the spirit.
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • canadashcanadash
    Posts: 1,499
    Thanks for all of the great advice. Ben, I think his teacher is a lot like the teacher you describe, however he does not HEAR the compliments, only the suggestions for improvement. He is a typical 11 year old boy and wants to do everything quickly without struggle. I will speak with her. After much thought I have changed up the course of action we were considering and hopefully he will find it a more positive experience. Cello teachers around here are rare. I have dibs on a new one for next year. Sigh...
  • WendiWendi
    Posts: 638
    Some children are crushed by any negative reinforcement. I have a daughter like that. You can praise her ten times and criticize once...and all she remembers is the criticism.

    Thanked by 1canadash
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,368
    Godspeed with your decision.
    I hope that your son will come to take some healthy pride and revelry in jumping a bar set at a challenging height by a good teacher.
    Let us know how this turns out.
    Thanked by 1canadash
Add a Comment