My First Attempt at Writing a Hymn Text - Divine Mercy
  • Priestboi
    Posts: 135
    I have always wanted to write hymns, but never took the uncomfortable step of actually getting going. I admire those who put themselves out there daily, and felt that it is a chance to improve myself. Here is my first attempt at a text for Divine mercy Sunday based on the Entrance antiphon and the collect:

    Ch:
    Holy is God, Holy and Strong,
    Holy and immortal, Have mercy on us.

    1. As newborn babes we come to you,
    Hungry for the Truth,
    Your gift of mercy we implore,
    Our innocence to restore, alleluia.

    2.The octave of this holy Pasch,
    The veil still rent asunder,
    May all who come before you find
    Peace, mercy, joys of every kind, alleluia

    3.Increase your grace, o Lord,we pray
    Faith and hope rekindle,
    In water and in spr’t reborn,
    Redeemed by Blood - a new oath sworn , alleluia.

    There are still a few more verses and a doxology, but this is what I have so far. Very rudimentary, but would love some input and advice where possible.


  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 3,481
    The metre is somewhat irregular, which would pose problems for setting in a traditional manner. Chorus: 44.65, Strophe 1: 85.874, Strophe 2: 86.884, Strophe 3: 86.884. Even though the 2nd and 3rd strophes look to have the same meter, there is a difference in stress patterns:

    Strong(/) weak(-) syllable analysis:

    Ch:
    Holy is God, Holy and Strong
    (4 + 4) /--/ /--/
    Holy and immortal, Have mercy on us.
    (6[iambic] + 5) /-/-/- -/--/

    1. As newborn babes we come to you,
    (8[iambic]) -/-/-/-/
    Hungry for the Truth,
    (5[trochaic]) /-/-/
    Your gift of mercy we implore,
    (8[iambic]) -/-/-/-/
    Our innocence to restore, alleluia.
    (7[?] + 4) -/-//-/ --/-

    2.The octave of this holy Pasch,
    (8[iambic]) -/-/-/-/
    The veil still rent asunder,
    (6[iambic]) -/-/-/-
    May all who come before you find
    (8[iambic]) -/-/-/-/
    Peace, mercy, joys of every kind, alleluia
    (8[iambic] + 4) -/-/-/-/ --/-

    3.Increase your grace, o Lord,we pray
    (8[iambic]) -/-/-/-/
    Faith and hope rekindle,
    (6[trochaic]) /-/-/-
    In water and in spr’t reborn,
    (8[iambic]) -/-/-/-/
    Redeemed by Blood - a new oath sworn , alleluia.
    (8[iambic] + 4) -/-/ -/-/ --/-

    I hope this helps guide your progress. I do like the sentiments expressed.
    Thanked by 1Priestboi
  • Priestboi
    Posts: 135
    Thank you, I really appreciate your guidance! As you can see I am struggling somewhat to keep things regular :)

    It is the first attempt, so hopefully it will come out OK in the end. Well at least by the end of the week. I would like to write at least one new text per week as part of my practise.
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
  • Kathy
    Posts: 4,608
    I really like your choice of texts.

    I agree with Charles: be regular about meter. This is very difficult to do in English.

    I was wondering whether the fourth line of the first verse takes a paschal tone. It sounds like a Lenten sentiment, and perhaps contradicts the "newborn babes" idea, since the baptized have actually been restored to innocence. Is there a way that line might reflect the antiphon's direction to "long for pure, spiritual milk"?

    You've got a lot right, though! Tone, diction, you stuck to your rhyme scheme, and again, you seem to me to have chosen very well from among the texts as your inspiration.

    I'm looking forward to more!
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen