I hope your pastor will look on it as an opportunity for you to be happier without the parish paying anything.

What I might consider doing is making sure that the rate increase will put me on a par with the rest of the musicians in the area.

Wood isn't taking into consideration that these things are usually bundled together. The funeral home collects $X and distributes it in stipends to the musician, priest, altar server(s), parish, etc. The funeral director isn't going to sit down with every family and say "oh the organist at St. That Parish says that he understands this is a difficult time for many families. If you can't afford that, please pay what you can. If you can afford a little more, that will help cover the cost of other people who are unable to pay the usual rate."

Perhaps you can find out what the going rate is by asking the funeral home directly. I did this once, purely by accident, when I had to play a funeral at the funeral home. I was having a casual conversation with one of the employees and he told me how much others charged. That's when I realized our regular organist (and then I, by default) required a raise.

So first of all, this is a VERY rich* area/parish and the rate I would ask is "in par" with the rest of the rates in the area. In addition, the rate asked for IS fair--I am the designated "liturgist" working with each of the bereavement committee members for EACH funeral; every funeral has a worship aid that is prepared DIFFERENTLY for EACH funeral tailored to music, readings, etc. I understand being "grateful" guys but c'mon--this is our profession and we need to be compensated fairly. Unless you are a volunteer church musician and giving your time to service your parish, these things need payment--we are contractors for liturgies like this, are we not? If they don't like it/appreciate it, then they don't really need to have the music..

All joking aside, a teacher doesn't teach for free. Why would we be expected to play for "free"?

a VERY reach area/parish

Is this a spelling/typographical error?

I have never, not once, found a family unable to pay for a funeral. I've worked in rich areas. I've worked in poor areas. I've played for funerals in Catholic, Methodist, Presbyterian, Episcopalian churches. I've worked in urban, suburban, and rural areas. No one has EVER failed to come up with my stipend in 13 years.

Once I have had a pastor (at a rural Catholic church) communicate to me that a family may not be able to pay all stipends, and that the parish may make up the rest of my fee if necessary. But even then the family made the payment.

I understand the desire to be all nicey-wicey and say "I reeeeally don't want to charge you allotta money in your time of grief..." I just don't see that it's necessary, especially with all the other costs of funerals. With all the money spent on graves, caskets, cremation, flying people in, etc., surely the family can come up with any reasonable fee for musicians.