Hoping for some advice and prayer.
  • StephenMatthew
    Posts: 97
    Two items:

    1. Prayers requested

    My father is recovering from surgery, all seems well, but a prayer never hurts.

    Also, I only serve as cantor on rare occasions, and will be cantoring (with a very able assistant, better than myself really) for a mass with our bishop at the Cathedral this weekend. I am slightly nervous about all this, particularly since I have been stressed about my father, too. Prayers of support are appreciated.

    2. Advice requested

    I have been asked to help with the piece of music that is my personal musical pet peeve for Holy Week, and I am at once honored to be asked to be one of the cantors, but on the other hand I greatly dislike the item I was asked to help with and think it is a very poor choice, even though we have done it for several years.

    My question is, how should I respond to that? I am just a volunteer in an all volunteer choir. I don't object so strongly that I would refuse to sing it as part of the choir, but does being a cantor for something indicate my approval in a particular way? Is it reasonable to accept but to note my objections? (About this time of year I see an advertisement for a Holy Week retreat at a nearby monastery and I am sorely tempted just to go away to avoid my inevitable unease with how things are done here, Holy Week is in some ways the most dreaded time of the year for me regarding liturgy/music because I think we fall so far short of the ideal in our parish.)
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,368
    1:
    I do pray for your father's recovery and growth.

    2:
    The retreat is a fine idea.
    Ingenious, really.
    It should result in spiritual beneficence.

    Thanked by 2CHGiffen StephenMatthew
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 5,151
    Prayers for you father's recovery already offered, even as my own son is undergoing a difficult ordeal.

    The retreat is a fine idea, but you shouldn't have any qualms about not singing something that you dislike. An excuse, while nice, is not necessary.
    Thanked by 2M. Jackson Osborn StephenMatthew
  • Kathy
    Posts: 5,500
    I do think it is OK to say in private with the DM that although you are glad to be asked, you would prefer not to be a cantor on that particular piece. You don't necessarily have to give a reason, even if asked. You can just keep saying that is what you personally would prefer.
    Thanked by 2CHGiffen StephenMatthew
  • bonniebede
    Posts: 756
    praying for you.
    I reckon you should sing it if you don't object to it on principle. If it is not your responsibility to make the choice, pray for the person ho has the responsibility to make the choice, that they will choose better.
    I think it is your responsibility to make that known if you can, it does not have to be a big confrontation, just simply give your reasons for why you think there are better alternatives. The fact that you are doing so while still being helpful, might help them to listen to your wisdom.
    At the end of the day, if it is your responsibility, do something, if not, pray for them to do better.
    Thanked by 2Spriggo StephenMatthew
  • noel jones, aagonoel jones, aago
    Posts: 6,605
    "Thank you for asking, but that song makes me want to barf and I feel that that would be an inappropriate thing to happen."

    (of course, speaking of inappropriate liturgical events, there is a Methodist church with an flashing LED sign here out front flashing over and over again, in bright RED!

    MAUNDY THURSDAY
    HAND WASHING!

    Though I fear the exclamation may have been my own addition.
    Thanked by 2musiclover88 StephenMatthew
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,160
    Isn't hand-washing more related to Palm Sunday and Good Friday?
    Thanked by 3Adam Wood musiclover88 StephenMatthew
  • Liam
    Posts: 4,944
    Only for the cismanually privileged, I believe.
    Thanked by 1StephenMatthew
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,368
    Behold! What manner of groanful humour is being palmed off upon us?
    Thanked by 1StephenMatthew
  • Kathy
    Posts: 5,500
    It's quite disarming...
    Thanked by 1StephenMatthew
  • ghmus7
    Posts: 1,465
    I wash my hands of this thread.
    Thanked by 1StephenMatthew
  • JDE
    Posts: 588
    In total seriousness, I worked for several years with a pastor who would make everyone in the congregation wash one another's hands because he said feet grossed him out. I kid you not.

    As for the original subject, I am dying to know what the piece is, but I understand why you can't put it on here. We all have our bêtes noires, musically speaking. Sometimes you have to suck it up and do a thing you don't particularly care for -- and I mean that even as a director.

    The retreat may be tempting, and it might actually do you some good spiritually, but do you really want to be that person who skips out on the team right before the playoffs? I would be very hurt if an otherwise faithful singer did that to the group and to me during Holy Week -- it's way bigger than Christmas.

    You have to do what you can live with, but in my opinion desertion is a bigger sin than singing something that (possibly for completely valid reasons, even) you find objectionable.
    Thanked by 2Spriggo StephenMatthew
  • Scott_WScott_W
    Posts: 468
    Seems that if you worked throughout the year trying to get the offending piece scotched from the set list (pardon the informality) and simply got stonewalled, then you might be able to make a case for missing it. If however, you fumed to yourself all year and sprung it on everyone during the last minute then sorry, I have no sympathy.
    Thanked by 1StephenMatthew
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,934
    Prayers for your father.

    Being a volunteer gives you options which paid employees don't always have. I guess we have all had to hold our noses and play something wretched at one time or another. I don't know how long your offending piece is, but I take the view that in three minutes it will be over and forgotten as I move on to the next selection.
    Thanked by 1StephenMatthew
  • StephenMatthew
    Posts: 97
    Good news, my father seems to be doing well.

    Mass with the bishop at the cathedral went well also, I was amazingly nervous leading up to it, to the point of not sleeping the night before, but was quite calm when it came time for mass.

    Thanks for the prayers in both instances.

    As to what I am doing in the other matter, I was never really going to run off. I am a choir member, at the least I was going to grit my teeth and stick with it (even if internally I feel like crying out one of the lamentations), I probably won't even complain about it except at home. I have even agreed to help as a cantor, even on the aforementioned piece (and after the rest of the music plan was revealed to the choir this week, it may not even be the thing I most strongly object to anymore, I had forgotten about some of the other stuff we sing for Holy Week).
    Thanked by 1bonniebede
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